Category Archives: Journal

{Stories}

We’re sitting across from each other, cradling a Kurtz Orchard coffee mug, looking out across the lake. The weak winter sun struggling to warm the ice.

“I just want to tell you my stories”

I shift, trying to get uncomfortable, a hopeless task on these wooden dining room chairs.

“Life is just a moment, when you look at it with the big picture” Grandma pauses, starts to spell out on the table in front of her. “S. T. O…” “Stories?” “Yes, stories. They are important–they just keep coming back to me. Stories about my lover”

This name, Lover, not a name I am accustomed to hearing my Grandfather called. But since his passing, she has taken to call him, ‘My Lover’ instead of the familiar ‘Dad’ I had grown up hearing. She misses him. She misses her Lover.

“He would write me every day–no every other day while he was in the Service” *Pause* “But I destroyed those letter–He should never have to relive those memories–the men would be screaming in pain, the throng of wounded being lifted off the airplanes. Everything was g0-go-go all the time. Those things must have affected Dad.”

I nod in agreement, I can only imagine the emotional scars of being a medical tech during war time.

“When he had one week leave to come home, that’s when we decided” “Decided what?” “To be lovers”

She pauses, searching for the right words. “He told me that he was going into the ministry and if I couldn’t handle being a preacher’s wife–well I better tell him now so we could break it off”

She looks at me with an astonished face, an expression she does so well. “What do you think of that?”

“Well I think you made the right choice.”

“Well I certainly hope so” She laughs, fiddles with the coffee mug, lost in her own reflection. She misses him. She misses her “Lover”

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Plan or Flow?

I love planning. I have the philosophy that fun should planned to maximize the fun to be had, less time wasted on deciding because it’s already pre-planned, organized, and things just go smoothly.

I enjoy fun, I enjoy spontaneous plans (if given enough time to plan), and if they crowd out “non-fun” activities…all the better!

So when I make my plans for the month/week/day/hour and they get interrupted…I tend to be cranky, annoyed, and frustrated, and I begin to frantically to replan the time interrupted, how can I reshuffle, what can I get rid of, well there goes my nap time.

Those reactions all point towards a selfish, self-driven mind that demands control.

Not a pretty picture…

“I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”-Isaiah 48:17

So…I have to give my plans over to someone else? Yes He’s all-powerful, knowing, etc…but really then I’m not controlling my future. O what’s that? I don’t control my future? O…well…do I really have to trust that someone else knows what’s better for me? Hm…I don’t like that at all.

And I wish I had some magic formula to help…but I don’t. Make the right choices every day, lean on the Lord, ask for His strength to rely on Him, sounds confusing, but we don’t have the strength to trust Him.

So as I re-plan my day, Lord please direct me. Help me reach out to those who need me, encourage those who need a smile or compliment, listen to those who need to talk, spend my money on what you want, read, watch, and listen to that which glorifies you, Lord…I need you to help me plan my day and stay flexible as you lead.

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Monday::Inspiration

I love CyberMonday, you know the Monday after Black Friday? The day where most stores offer free shipping or online deals. I just get drawn in! Probably because I’m working all weekend so Cyber Monday is my own personal Christmas! Do you enjoy shopping? I sure do! I love buying just the right gift for someone, the perfect item to make them smile. 

Ah {Sigh} CyberMonday is a joy to me.

The CyberMonday bug has bitten me again…I’ve found that every Monday I am either shopping, planning trips, or job searching…Why does Monday cause this craziness?

Since I’ve been done with school and entered the “real” world (since of course college is not real…) Monday has become this day that is often spent dreaming and planning.

{I look up new non-profit groups to be a part of

{I find new causes to be passionate about:: Ask me about Human Trafficking, Abortion, or numerous other health care related issues

{I plan trips. Two Mondays ago I bought a ticket to PA and a few hours later a ticket to Texas. My Kayak alert is set for both Seattle, San Diego, and San Fran right now.

{I shop. I order books, kitchen oddities, clothes, phone cases (that’s my weakness!) and I could go on…but I shop online…quite a bit.

Maybe I just want Monday’s to be NEW.

Fresh.

A fresh start to the week?

Yes that’s it.

Something New to celebrate the start of a New week.

A Fresh [passion] or {Inspiration} for the week ahead.

O monday…

Well I better get to researching (aka shopping)

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::That Moment

::That dreadful moment, the terrifying, adrenaline rushing moment when your Patient goes unresponsive.

::That heart-dropping, stressful moment when you open your e-mail to a read of an error that occurred on your watch

::That awful moment when your brain is so foggy you don’t know what to do, you flounder as you search for the next step

All moments that leave lasting memories.

But we grow & learn from these moments. I’ve been told by many people that starting a new job is stressful. The first year as an RN is a year of learning. But being told something & experiencing it for yourself are two very different things.

The stress will continue but it cannot weigh you down. Confidence is gained from intense situations done right, but just as important, situations gone wrong can grow us, stretch us, and leave lasting impacts on our lives.

As I reach the end of my first year as an RN, I look back & see how far I have come. Situations I never thought I could handle I can. Things I used to balk at have become second nature. But there is much more to go. Lessons to be learned, tasks to be accomplished, knowledge to be gained, all come from experiences, both good & bad.

::That wonderful, confidence building moment when you catch a new heart rhythm

::That tearful, tender moment when  you really connect with a patient & are able to encourage them

::That awesome, inspiring moment when you realize…I am a Nurse.

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Do you ever hear a phrase that just jumps out at you? A powerful combination of together that strung together express your vision or feeling.

Today just such a phrase jumped out at me.

::communicate hope::

am I daily communicating hope to those around me?

How does one communicate hope?

To understand this I think of love hopes all things from 1 Corinthians 13:7

hope:: does not allow the failure to be final

hope:: allows us to look forward, to get up & to move on

Hope is a powerful emotion, an outlook on life, a glimpse at a better tomorrow.

What are you hopeful for?

Why do you have hope?

Who are you communicating this valuable lesson to?

 

Hope Communicates 

Hope Communicates

Failure is not the end

Hope Communicates

Get up, Move on

Hope Communicates

There is a better future

 

The sorrows of life, they

drag us down

The storms, the trials,

all surround us

 

We Fall, We Fail

But we Rise up Again

 

Hope Communicates

Failure is Not the end

 

 

Communicate Hope

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{But it is Good}

{But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works}

Psalms 73:28 

I found this verse jotted in an old note on my phone. I don’t remember the circumstances of this note, but I absolutely love this verse.

Drawing near to God, knowing Him better, increases our trust in Him. Then of course the only logical next step is to talk about it.

{Draw Near

{Trust

{Declare

.But it is Good. 

Follow Up:: Trust

Proverbs 3:1-7

My son, do not forget my teaching,
but let your heart keep my commandments,
for length of days and years of life
and peace they will add to you.

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good success
in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

 

This passage says so much about a life of Trust. When we keep the commandments, when we are living a Spirit controlled life, we a trusting God. His Steadfast love & faithfulness should be my meditation.

Verses 5, 6, & 7 are “classic” trust verses, but do not underestimate the power they contain.

Trust, Acknowledge, Turn –all actions that we must be living out in a life a trust.

::TRUST:: 

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{Attitude}You Decide

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Warning Warning:: Foul Mood Alert

Don’t you wish there were days you could hang this sign up or wear a t-shirt that warned everyone…Stay Away, I’m incredibly cranky & may potentially bite your head off.

But unfortunately….Your attitude is something you decide.

When you get out of bed, you put on the attitude you want for the day.

Cranky ::I can choose to be grateful

Sad ::I can choose to rejoice in the goodness of the Lord

Sensitive ::I can choose to give people the benefit of the doubt

Negative ::I can choose to look at all that I have & be thankful

Worried ::I can choose to trust that the Savior holds my future

Frustrated ::I can choose to walk in the Spirit & allow Him to guide my actions

Whatever the “feelings” of the day are telling me to believe, I know that I have the Ultimate Source for Truth.

I can be confident in my identity in Christ.

My foul attitude is not a death sentence, for bad moods come. My foul attitude is a challenge, a trial, a chance to focus on the Truth & to change it.

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Lack of Inspiration

I’ve started about 20 blog posts….none of which have made it through the final draft.  I’ve started to write about several topics, all of which fizzled to nothing…

{SIGH}

“Writing is a struggle against silence.” – Carlos Fuentes

This is a struggle I am losing, and to be honest, not one I am even used to struggling with.

Well this I know…

{Inspiration will come} 

not when I will it, but it will come

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Travel Abroad: Poland

One year ago yesterday I embarked on an overseas adventure that tested my attitude, challenged my strength, & broadened my world view. And today, I sit here in the Warsaw airport awaiting the next adventure.

There is something in my heart that longs to travel.

Hence the year of {wanderlust}

I wish I had some profound wisdom or insight on why travel is exciting, but the only thing I can come up with is

::Adventure:: 

Adventure of the unknown

Sitting at the feet of missionaries and other, listening to the talk of travels, adventures, and trials, I knew that I wanted to join this band of courageous people. Always seeking to understand, looking at other cultures, not to criticize, but to learn & understand. 

I don’t have a great revelation or shocking thoughts on Poland.

The food was phenomenal, the culture interesting, the historical sites moving, and of course I loved the family I stayed with.

What did I learn: Faith keeps the Family strong in Poland. The Polish people work hard, as a general rule they do not go into debt & live within their means. Often a young married couple will live with family for several years until able to afford to build a house for themselves.

Overall a fabulous & lovely trip. Minimal jet lag, wonderful touristy moments combined with more traditional experiences, shopping, building friendships, and another stamp in my Passport.

At Krakowski Rynek

At Krakowski Rynek

 

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